"The Fire"

The third to last episode of Season 5, but The Fire is a classic.

George goes over to his girlfriend's apartment for a birthday party, where this is a clown there that doesn't know who Bozo is, much to the dismay of George. Then, at the birthday party, there's a fire in the apartment. George runs out and pushes everyone out of the way, including his girlfriend's mom, who needed a walker. This causes hilarity when they are all outside, and George is trying to explain his actions, which eventually winds up with the fireman asking George how he lives with himself, to which George answers, "It's not easy."

The other subplot involves Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, and Elaine's coworker Toby, who's a "package full of energy." Kramer decides to take her to one of Jerry's shows, and she begins to heckle him. This costs Jerry a good review, so he goes to her office to heckle her, which upsets her so much that she runs out of the office and her toe is cut off by a street sweeper.

However, Kramer is there, and he eventually recovers the toe, but not before getting on a bus and being attacked by a man with a gun, and the bus driver passes out forcing Kramer to fight off the attacker and drive the bus. Also during this time Kramer continues to make the stops, because "they kept ringing the bell!"

This all results in Toby getting her toe back, and then getting a promotion that Elaine was also up for and was perhaps more qualified for. All in all a high quality episode.

Favorite Quotes from "The Fire"

JERRY: You don't know? Come on, that's gold!
ELAINE: Well, I don't know about "gold."
JERRY: Oh, that's gold, baby.
ELAINE: 'Baby'? What, are you doing George now?
JERRY: I was saying 'baby' way before George!

GEORGE: How can you call yourself a clown and not know who Bozo is?
ERIC: Hey, man - what are you hassling me for? This is just a gig, it's not my life. I don't know who Bozo is, what - is he a clown?
GEORGE: Is he a clown? What, are you kidding me!?
ERIC: Well, what is he?
GEORGE: Yes, he's a clown!
ERIC: Alright, so what's the big deal! There's millions of clowns!
GEORGE: Alright, just forget it.
ERIC: Me forget it? You should forget it! You're livin' in the past, man! You're hung up on some clown from the sixties, man!

GEORGE: Because! Because, as the leader...if I die...then all hope is lost! Who would lead? The clown? Instead of castigating me, you should all be thanking me. What kind of a topsy-turvy world do we live in, where heroes are cast as villains? Brave men as cowards?
ROBIN: But I saw you push the women and children out of the way in a mad panic! I saw you knock them down! And when you ran out, you left everyone behind!
GEORGE: Seemingly. Seemingly, to the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression. What looked like pushing...what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right? And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions?
FIREMAN: How do you live with yourself?
GEORGE: Its not easy.

JERRY: You know what? I think I'm gonna do that! She came down to where I work, I'll go down to where she works!
GEORGE: This is unprecedented!
JERRY: There's no precedent, baby!
GEORGE: What...are you using my babies now?

KRAMER: Well, after he heckled Toby, she got so upset, she ran out of the building and a street sweeper ran over her foot and severed her pinky toe.
GEORGE: That's unbelievable!
KRAMER: Yeah! Then after the ambulance left, I found the toe! So I put it in a Cracker Jack box, filled it with ice, and took off for the hospital.
GEORGE: You ran?
KRAMER: No, I jumped on the bus. I told the driver, "I got a toe here, buddy - step on it."
GEORGE: Holy cow!
KRAMER: Yeah, yeah, then all of a sudden, this guy pulls out a gun. Well, I knew any delay is gonna cost her her pinky toe, so I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him. He says, "Where do you think you're going, Cracker Jack?" I said, "Well, I got a little prize for ya, buddy - " - knocked him out cold!
GEORGE: How could you do that?!
KRAMER: Then everybody is screamin,' because the driver, he's passed out from all the commotion...the bus is out of control! So, I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel and now I'm drivin' the bus.
GEORGE: You're Batman.
KRAMER: Yeah. Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to, and he starts chokin' me! So I'm fightin' him off with one hand and I kept drivin' the bus with the other, y'know? Then I managed to open up the door, and I kicked him out the door with my foot, you know - at the next stop.
JERRY: You kept makin' all the stops?
KRAMER: Well, people kept ringin' the bell!
GEORGE: Well, what about the toe? What happened to the toe?
KRAMER: Well! I am happy to say that the little guy is back in place at the end of the line.
GEORGE: You did all this...for a pinky toe?
KRAMER: Well, it's a valuable appendage.

JERRY: So you feel "women and children first," in this day and age, is somewhat of an antiquated notion.
GEORGE: To some degree.
JERRY: So basically, it's every man, woman, child, and invalid for themselves.
GEORGE: In a manner of speaking.
JERRY: Well, it's honest.
GEORGE: Yeah. She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals.
JERRY: Well, perhaps when she's released from the burn center, she'll see things differently.

Seinfeld Episodes